RED RIDING HOOD.  106 mins.  PG-13.  Directed by Catherine Hardwicke.  Written by David Johnson. Full disclosure: I walked out of Red Riding Hood at about the 1 hour 15 minute mark, and though I didn't get to see the big twist (just who is the werewolf?!), I honestly couldn't care.  Though it bears no relation to the Twilight franchise other than the director (Hardwicke) and an actor or two (Billy Burke), Red Riding Hood is obviously going after the same female demographic by mixing gothic horror with teenage romance.  So, what was it that led this viewer to walk out?

Let's count the ways (in no particular order - pick your poison): (1) everything looks like it was shot on a soundstage - the production design, though set largely outdoors, feels canned and claustrophobic; (2) the costume color scheme is just weird - bright colors mixed with brown and white, shot through some sort of Glamour Shot lens; (3) Amanda Seyfried's (playing Valerie) inconsistent voiceover narration; (4) the inept script, laboring to create viewer interest in a mystery that's full of red herrings and anything but mysterious; (5) Gary Oldman's hammy over-acting (and constant shouting) as werewolf hunter-extraordinaire Father Solomon - it's as if his character on Friends got a big screen gig; (6) the fact that Father Solomon enters town with a giant metal elephant and nobody says anything about it; (7) the boring male suitors dueling for Valerie's affection - Shiloh Fernandez, you are no Robert Pattinson; hell, you're not even Mario Lopez; (8) the fact that the werewolf speaks without moving its mouth - why does the werewolf have to talk?; (9) it makes you wish that the werewolf was a mentally challenged Adrian Brody in a costume a la the Oscar-worthy-in-comparison, The Village; and (10) the utter lack of suspense, chemistry, pacing, or anything remotely resembling entertainment.  Red Riding Hood is bad - comically bad - the worst studio film released so far in 2011.